Danielle Blog

‘Twas the last week of Advent

Things that have been going on lately:
- I am really close to being done with grades for this semester! I ought to be able to wrap them up by noon today (Monday).

- our school (work) Christmas party was Friday. I bought a great new dress at Dress Barn for $40! Accessories cost more than the dress! I’ll wear it for Christmas Eve and get someone to take a photo of me that night and post them on Flickr.

- The party was a lot of fun. I realized just how many people I know at school now! I know a LOT more than last year at this time! I also had an opportunity to talk to some people about music and I may be in a new band/group now as a vocalist. We’ll see how that pans out.

- I went to see the touring production of Beauty and the Beast on Saturday! It was amazing! The vocals were just perfect. The set pieces/staging and design were really intriguing. The costumes were fun and gorgeous. I took my binoculars this time, so we were able to get a really close view of the costumes.

- I haven’t upgraded my camera or purchased any accessories for the 6 years that I’ve had it. Until now. I was thinking about buying the most inexpensive speedlight (flash) that is available. BUT I found out that it is strictly an on/off flash and doesn’t have the ability to do TTL (through the lens) light monitoring. I bit the bullet, splurged, and bought an SB-700 from Nikon. It is an AMAZING flash. I’m still learning how to use it. So my photos are in a bit of a transition state right now. It will be good to have this break to try to learn more about it.

- I used it for the birthday party for my nieces who are now 2 and 5. I also used it for the children’s Christmas program at my church. I never would’ve been able to get the photos I captured at the Christmas program without it.

- speaking of church, I sang a solo yesterday. “Precious Promise” by Steven Curtis Chapman (from his Music of Christmas album). I sang it in my soprano voice instead of my low alto/tenor range, which is always a little trickier for me. But this song called for it, I think. Anyway, the first verse was a bit shaky, but I closed my eyes, tried to think about the message of the song, said a mini “God help me do this!” type of prayer, and the 2nd verse, bridge, and third verse really turned out well. I may try to record it later once I finish grades.

- also with church: I’m on an email list for a daily scripture and interpretation. These last couple of weeks have been really amazing. A few of us have started some email discussions about some of the passages and how they speak to us, or where we struggle with them, and it has been really good for me spiritually. My faith journey and my spiritual growth sort of goes in fits and starts, it seems. This year, I’ve been on a steady rate of growth (and at least have not been flat), but this past month or so has been a bit more accelerated. So, that has been really noteworthy. I’m glad. They are also starting a new bible study at church in January which is finally going to be on a night that would work for me. So, I’m going to try to find out more about it! Yay!

Okay. I guess I’d better start going through this last stack of assignments so that I can finish grades.

Rabbit hopping competitions – too funny.

That is a photo I took last year of Max for my Christmas cards last year.

I’m going to be busy today and next week writing, giving, and grading finals (and calculating final grades), so I wanted something “Christmas-sy” at the top of my blog now.

I ran into a funny story on MSNBC when I was looking at the Animal Tracks on MSNBC. It was about a hopping competition for rabbits in Switzerland.

The photos were just too cute for words!

My rabbit, Max, is REALLY good at jumping high, and the high jump IS one of the competitions evidently, but somehow I don’t see him doing it on demand. He has to have a goal in mind. Like jumping high in order to grab some papers to chew on. Or jumping high in order to get on the couch and eat cheerios.

I just can’t see him jumping over a hurdle.

He also doesn’t have the focus for something this chaotic, I think!

Here is how the online story started, which made me laugh:

“Europe’s first-ever rabbit-hopping championship, also called Kaninhop, were held on Oct. 30, in Wollerau, Switzerland.”

“And by the looks of it, people are pretty serious about this latest trend to hit Central Europe.”

Isn’t that hilarious?! I still laugh at it.

very.
serious.
business.
Don’t you know?

Read the story here to see the rest. The bunnies are cute!

Thanksgiving hibiscus

On Thanksgiving morning, I was making dill pickle doobers when the sun was coming up. My hibiscus on my patio had about 4 or 5 flowers that morning, and I could see it through the window. I grabbed my camera and did a quick photoshoot while the light was spectacular.

Fun shows!

I haven’t really written anything up lately about ALL of the fun performances and shows that I’ve been able to attend this fall. You already know (from my “Summer Summary post”) that this summer included my getting to see productions of Footloose and Hairspray.

Well, I haven’t told you all of the other exciting shows I’ve been to lately, so now is my chance! Unfortunately, I don’t get to take photos at shows, so the only way I really have to “remember” them is the programs, which really fall short when it comes to photos.

Here are some of the shows I’ve been to lately and my thoughts about them!

We kicked off our fall season with “Rain: a tribute to the Beatles.” The show was mostly set up like a tribute concert. It was amazing how much the performers sounded like the Beatles. They really had all of the inflections and emphases down perfectly in the songs. They held the notes and/or breathed during phrases at all the right spots. It was really, really fabulous.
They also had a few songs where they did a sing-along (from memory). I got chills listening to this huge number of people of all ages singing Beatles songs from memory.

So You Think You Can Dance 2011 was the next major event we went to see! It was AMAZING! We had really close seats on the side which were ABOVE the level of the stage. As much as I liked being in the 5th row one year and the 11th-14th row the next year, it was weird being on the ground and being below the level of the stage. I couldn’t see their feet from the knee down when I sat that close. Of course, it was still incredible being that close those years, and as you’ll recall, I got some fun photos!

There were a few instances this year where it would’ve been nice to be a bit less on the side, but only a FEW. Most of the time, it was simply AMAZING being that close!!!!! We could see the muscles on the legs, arms, abdomens (for the guys, this was notable), as they expressed themselves through dance.

I cannot recommend this show enough to anyone who is a fan of the TV show.
Part of what was really amazing about it in this year’s touring production, which was different than years past, is that they clustered dances together (especially ones with couples) that were in a similar theme or that could use some of the same staging. And then the dances just sort of flowed from one into the other. It really made it feel less like a highlight or recap of some of the best dances of the season and instead more of a true stage production.

The winner of this year’s competition, Melanie, and the runner-up, Sasha were truly standouts.
Some of the surprises of the night were just how great Jess is when he performs in person. He really has an amazing stage presence; you can see how his Broadway background gives him an edge in live performances. Also, Tadd’s solo was hilarious. He also really interacted with the crowd in an amazing way. And boy is he ripped! I guess if you have to hold yourself upside down on one arm and bounce up and down (one of his b-boy tricks), you’d have amazing muscle definition too! wow.
Nick is the really tall, blond, tap dancer who wasn’t in the top 10, but was one of people who went on tour. Since Ricky was injured for our show, Nick was filling in for him. Nick did a tap number (with Jess) that was just AMAZING!!! To me, he was so much better than I remember him being on TV. I also think that they way that they had the sound and the floor mic’d really made the tap number that much more outstanding.
Some of the girls have really improved too; especially Caitlynn. She was always a great dancer, but she has gotten even stronger with being on tour.
I’m SO glad that Texas Seestor and Trainwreck and I went to the show together. It was amazing!!!

Texas Seestor and I also went to see Footloose (the movie) in the theater one night while Trainwreck took care of the girls. I loved the remake! It made me want to learn country line dancing too! I’m hoping to find a place to get some country line dancing lessons. I decided that it will never make sense for me to buy a gym membership; I’m much better off spending my money on dance lessons, I think. Dance is actually something I’d enjoy doing to get exercise.

One of the next performances we saw was Spring Awakening! A friend of our family was a lead in the production, so it particularly amazing to see the show. We made a point of getting 2nd row seats. It was INCREDIBLE being that close. My gosh is it amazing to see a theater production where you can see all of their facial expressions.
The friend’s range, pitch, emotion, and timing were spot on. He was playing the role of someone with a very different demeanor than his own. So, it was really amazing to see him stretch himself to take on the demeanor, speech, and overall personality of this very different type of person. It is a really heart wrenching story, and I almost cried a couple of times.

You know they are doing a great job, when it tugs at your emotions.

All of the cast is really talented. They did some amazing group numbers. The guys in particular had some really high energy, rocking songs, which were just incredible. The women tended to do more low-key songs, but they had some really beautiful harmonies and moments too. The full cast version of Purple Summer will always be one of my favorites.

Last weekend, we saw South Pacific (touring production). I had never seen a version of South Pacific, so I didn’t know the story. It was a lot of fun! I really enjoyed “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” and “There is Nothin’ Like a Dame.” “Cockeyed Optimist” was really fun too, because I’m a pretty optimistic person, and I identified with parts of that song. It was a little long in parts and “Bali Hai’i” almost put me to sleep (as did Emile’s solo in Act 2 “This Nearly was Mine”), but things like “Honey Bun” made up for it! I clearly was in the mood for high energy numbers and not romantic stuff like “Some Enchanted Evening.”

I’ve been having a LOT of fun seeing all of these live performances!!

Next week, I get to see Casting Crowns (the contemporary Christian band, which is currently my absolute favorite band)!!!!!

And that same weekend, our school is putting on a really fabulous religious Christmas concert which I’m really, really looking forward to! (it is an annual event, but it changes from year to year) Right now, we’ve got a group of 9 people going to that!

Shortly thereafter, I’ll get to see the touring production of Beauty and the Beast!

SO MUCH FUN! You can’t tell that I’m really loving living here in TX where I get to go see show after show, can you??
I love that Texas Seestor, another friend, and I got tickets to the Broadway series this year together. And that Texas Seestor and Trainwreck are often willing to go see other shows (like SYTYCD). It has been a terrific part of my life here!

Being close to God – what it means for me to sing at church

I have found it hard to describe, in words, exactly what it is about singing in the Praise Band at church that makes it so meaningful to me.
And so necessary.
My family and friends know that it means a lot to me to sing at church, but I don’t know that anyone quite understands just how much I NEED to sing at church.

In part, singing is my form of prayer. I have known that about myself for some time. In fact, when talking to people about my personal discomfort with praying out loud (with other people around i.e. “leading prayer”), I’ve often said that I’m much more comfortable praying to myself or leading people in prayer (through song) than I am at leading people in verbal, vocal prayers. I’m getting better at praying out loud verbally, but it is not something that comes easily to me.

But back to the part about singing.
So, singing is my form of prayer; we’ve established that. No big surprise there.

But why does singing in the band at church feel SO different than just singing in my car? And why do I NEED to do it? What is it that is so different?

And I was just reading something in a book, and it finally dawned on me what is happening.

When I’m singing in my car, or I’m singing at band practice, I can feel prayerful, BUT there is almost always a part of my brain that is analyzing and critiquing my singing.
“Is that really the best harmony note for that chord?”
“Will we be singing the song in this key so that I can hit that note really strongly? Or will it end up being too high? Too low?”
“Do I need to take a bigger breathe when I’m starting that phrase so that I can support it better?”
“Would this be a song where I ought to play the tambourine?”
“We haven’t done this song in a while, I wonder if we’ll do this one anytime soon.”
“We’ve never done this song at church, I wonder if I ought to bring this up as one we should try?”
“Would this song sound good with just keyboards? or does it really need the full band?”
and on and on.

This is also why the more “routine” a song becomes for me, the more meaning I can get out of it. After hearing a song for several days, weeks, or months, I can shut off my litany of analysis of my singing ability MUCH more easily and really just focus on the words, and the meaning of the song when I’m in the car or practicing. But it is still hard to block out some of those last questions in the list.

And THAT is what makes singing in worship services SO different than singing in my car or in practice. Before the service starts, we always pray that God will work with us and through us and we give it all over to Him; our mistakes, our flubs, our missed notes or missed entrances, ANYthing just becomes peripheral.

During worship, I stop analyzing. I stop thinking.

I’m IN the moment.

I’m focusing on the words and the meaning.
And I’m praying, praising, and literally
singing my heart out
to God and for God.

In that moment, I feel so close to Him.
And it rejuvenates my spirit.

And THAT is why I sing at church and why I NEED to sing at church; to be close to God.

I’m so grateful to the church and the band for allowing me to have that opportunity. I pray that I can grow to feel that close to God ALL of the time when I sing – when I’m in the car, or my apartment, or at practice, or wherever.
But for now, it is good to be able to have this insight into myself and to be able to finally put it into words so that you can understand this side of me too.

“My eyes were too big for my stomach” – an analogy about time management

Do you know how you go to a buffet and everything looks SO DELICIOUS that you fill your plate until it is overbrimming? And then you start eating and you, invariably, cannot eat all of it? The phrase “my eyes were too big for my stomach” is often used to describe this situation. SO MUCH to eat, so little space in the tummy!

That is sort of how I feel about my social life right now. There is SO MUCH I want to be doing when I’m not working. And it ALL sounds just wonderful! But there is only so much free time that I have left in my life, and I can’t keep sacrificing sleep in order to do all of the fun things that I want to be doing.

I came up with this analogy/realization last night when I had to call a friend to back out of going to a local festival (an Octoberfest-like event) for supper. I really, really don’t like telling people I’m going to attend something and then having to back out due to work. It makes me frustrated and sad.
But I also know that with being tenure-track, I can’t shirk my work duties one little bit. The cloud of “going up for tenure” looms over so many of my decisions about work & non-work balance. Most of the time, work wins. Some people may say that this is one of the great things about tenure, it keeps the new faculty working really, really, really, really hard. (maybe that needs another really)

Don’t get me wrong, even if tenure weren’t hanging over my head, I’d STILL be doing my job to the absolute fullest of my abilities. I’m not one to do something at 80% when I could be doing it at 100%. But there are times when I would normally let my work slide just the tiniest bit (sort of 90-95% effort instead of 100%) if tenure weren’t a concern.

So what do I do to cope? Well, last night on my drive home, I played Lady GaGa, Taio Cruz & Ludacris, Chris Brown, Rihanna, Alanis Morrissette and other hip-hop music that I have in a mix that I created for lab really really loud in my car (mix is below).

I was feeling oddly angry about the situation, and the music helped. Especially Lady GaGa, she has some good angry, energetic songs.

Then I got home, and seeing Max (my rabbit) helped calm me down too. How can you be mad when you are petting a cute, fuzzy friend?

I ate, took a nap, and looked at photos I’ve taken within the past couple of weeks. It helped to relive some of the fun things that I HAVE been able to do with my non-work time.
I’ve been doing a LOT of fun things, don’t get me wrong, but there are times when I wish I had a job with regular hours so that my evenings were free. It was nice to look at those things.

And then here I am, blogging. Another thing that I do with my “free” time – over breakfast. Also good.

—————
Mix – I call it “Lab Fall 2010″
Bad Romance – Lady GaGa
Forever – Chris Brown
Disturbia – Rihanna
Break Your Heart – Taio Cruz & Ludacris
Crazy (James Michael Mix) – Alanis Morissette
Telephone – Lady GaGa & Beyonce
- and it continues – but by that time, I’d gotten home!

New hairdo!

Hello!

Well, I got my hair colored two days ago, and yesterday was the first that anyone at school saw it.

It was really fun. The female students noticed and commented right away about how great it looked! It was the same with the female faculty and staff. I got lots of great compliments on the change.

There was a wine and cheese reception last night as part of the kickoff for a symposium that is going on at campus this week. So, I went ahead and wore my version of a black dress with my new necklace that I got when I was out in Provincetown, MA visiting SeaQueen and going to my scientific conference. A couple of friends at that party just gushed about the change. They said it fits my age/face more. They were shocked to hear that I’m 37; I think that since my face is rounder, they were thinking that I was younger than that.

I guess I’m well preserved!

Probably comes from inhaling residual paraformaldehyde and acrolein from all of the experiments I’ve done on fixed tissue! ha!

Anyway, there are pics on Flickr, but you have to be a “friend” and login to see them. Check them out!

How much rain has fallen?

I continue with the drought/rain/rain gauge analogy with regards to my dating relationship side of my life.

After that post about the drought ending, I did indeed change my hairstyle slightly (just how I style it as I mentioned in the comments). I have also decided to take the plunge to dye out some of the grey in it this coming Tuesday (Nov 1st!). I’ve always been against using chemicals on my hair, because of the concerns about endocrine disruption. BUT I’m tired of all of the grey. I’m probably 25% grey (maybe 15%?) – it is hard to tell, because some spots are more along the 80% side and others are in the 10% side.
I’ve also decided that as long as I’m getting rid of the grey, I might as well add some highlights! I’m feeling rather edgy these days, and I want my hair to reflect my new mood!

In other news, the flirtation that went nowhere is starting to go somewhere. Somewhere intriguing! My rain gauge has some rain in it!

The back-story is that this is a guy I know at church, and I’ve been attracted to him since I met him over a year ago. He is super-committed to the church, has a deep faith, and is really outgoing and funny. However, a few weeks after I met him, I saw him sit with a woman at church. Thus, I suspected he was dating someone, and sure enough, he was. Consequently, I never presumed I’d have a chance to date him. I commenced stomping down any feelings I might have for him, and I was just friendly and social like I’d be with any guys who are married (even though he is single (but since he was in this relationship, I was going ahead and treating him as being off limits)).

At a church event this fall, he was flirting with me some, so I asked him about that relationship. To make a long story short, I wrote the last post after we’d flirted at that event and they were still together; hence my despair about it ever going anywhere. However, this week, they decided to officially split. I was a bit in shock when he told me.

He has told me that he wants some time before we date; however, I would say that there are some promising rains in the future!

Oddly enough, he told me this week too that he really likes my hair color; it was completely unprompted and I hadn’t told him about my plans to color it at all! I’m still changing it, but that was rather ironic, I thought.

I’m really happy!

I’ve been praying and trying to discern God’s plan for my life. He was too (praying and trying to discern God’s plan for his life), as it turns out. Maybe this is part of the plan. It is hard to know. Sometimes, even with prayer, it can be hard to discern the path. But today, the path seems less murky than it did last week!

yay!

Do you ever feel like you are juggling too many balls?

I took this photo of my niece trying to carry a bunch of different balls as she walked across the yard, and it just seems like the perfect photo to be made into a poster about life and the juggling act so many of us do everyday.

Notice that she has managed not to drop any! Interesting that she has learned that at such a young age!

The drought ends

You might read the title of this blog post and think, “Gee, Danielle is commenting on the recent rain in Texas.” And that would be, in part, correct. Yes, it rained here. A LOT over the weekend; it was really terrific.

But another drought has finally ended in my life, and that is what I have taken to thinking of as the drought I’ve been in with regards to men.

I’ve been divorced now for a year, and alone for longer than that. And it was a little over a week ago that a guy finally showed some interest in me! Note, I have NOT said that I’m in a new relationship. But it is nice to have someone flirt with me and to finally feel attractive and pretty again. There are multiple positive aspects of those interactions including that I now have a bit more confidence in myself. However, the downside is that it was merely a flirtation that has gone nowhere, and it has, in some ways, made me more lonely than I was before it happened.

Why? Because it reminded me of what I’ve been lacking in my life.

You see, most of the time, I’m pretty busy with school, church, and getting together with family, and I don’t have too much free time where I miss having companionship. However, in the late evenings when I’m done with my work, and there is no activity going on at church, and life has finally slowed down some, I notice that I don’t have a guy in my life.

I’m sort of debating what I want to do about it. I’m still not ready for eHarmony or match.com or one of those dating sites. I’ve been hoping that friends of mine would know some single guys with whom I could get set up on dates. And voila! There is another professor at school (a married guy) who told me about a week ago too that he has lots of single friends in my age range. Right now, I’m deciding if I want to ask him to fix me up with someone. I’m thinking yes.

What is holding me back? I told you that he mentioned this over a week ago, right?

Ah, the thing that often holds us back, of course. Or at least, that holds me back. Fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of failure.

It is hard to fail at a committed relationship (marriage) and have the confidence to try again. Even if the new relationships would just be casual dating, the underlying fear is still there with regards to having my confidence shaken. How can I trust my own judgment? I would hope that I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships, and that my judgment is better than ever. But I still wonder.

And I also fear that I’m a rather intense person when it comes to relationships. It helps that I’m aware of it, but I still fear that I’ll “come on too strong” or drive some really great guy away due to my intensity.

But isn’t there an adage about how “practice makes perfect”? I suppose I ought to just go for it and try to go on some casual dates so that I can practice not being so intense. Now, it is just a matter of finding those guys…

… I guess I’ll be emailing my professor friend to see if he can fix me up with some guys after all.

See, that is what can be good about blogging: I write it out and come to a conclusion. Yes, in a rather public forum, but that is okay. THIS is one of the things that is going on with me right now. Presumably, you read, because you want to know. Well, here it is.

There are many other things going on right now too (especially with church and family), but those are posts for another night. For now, I’ll start making my list of characteristics and see if this friend can find some guys that fit any of them. I guess we’ll see!