March 17, 2012 - Posted by danielle- 1 Comment
I’m writing this on Saturday morning of Spring Break, so it isn’t like break is over, by any means. But this is a chance for me to reflect on some of it and tell you a little bit about it.
Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday with my family. I drove up to Austin on Saturday morning and had breakfast with everyone. We shopped, played games, napped (yay!), and I had a fabulous steak dinner with appetizers and a margarita! yum!
After supper, we tried to burn off some of the girls’ energy by having them walk/stomp/skip around the block while singing songs. It was fun. We sang “skip-to-my-loo” a lot. We sang “Old MacDonald” and “When the Saints Go Marching In” also.
After that, everyone sang happy birthday to me and we had cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream!!!
I was trying to recall the last time I had a cake with my name on it. I think the closest thing would be my thesis defense for my Ph.D. which had my name on it.
Who can forget the chocolate peanut butter cake that we had that day??? Not me! Oh man, was that ever good.
Anyway, I digress.
The rest of the weekend was really great too.
AND THEN!
On Monday morning, my actual birthday, ViolaGirl and I packed up and drove to Fredericksburg. We had lunch outside at a really great sandwich place. They had amazing fries. We headed out to a local park to hike Enchanted Rock only to get caught in a line of cars of all kinds of people who wanted to do the same thing on their spring break. But we saw our first wildflowers while we were waiting.
We made a strategic decision to drive out to Wildseed Farms instead and check out the wildflowers. Here is one of my favorites from that trip.
There are many more on my Flickr set.
After that, we chilled out and had a glass of wine and talked some more in the patio of the bed and breakfast where we were staying. We got gussied up and went out to a bar/restaurant that had outdoor seating and a live band playing blues/rock. Most people were just drinking, so we really didn’t have any hopes of getting a table where we could hear the band, because they didn’t look like they were leaving anytime soon. But after about 10 minutes, a group got up and some tables became available! We had a really fun time. And I got to have another margarita along with my Pacific salmon and rest o’ my meal.
After we’d hung out there for a while, we headed back to the hot tub at the B&B to star gaze, drink wine, and eat more chocolate cake (I’d brought my leftover b-day cake with us).
We actually saw a shooting star!
On my birthday!
I think it was the first time I’d truly seen a shooting star and been sure of it and not just had someone else tell me that there had been one. It was really cool.
The next day, we had a fabulous breakfast at a local coffee shop and headed out to hike Enchanted Rock again. This time, we made it into the park and to the summit!
The thing that surprised me most about the rock was not barren at the top like it was as we were headed up! There were all kinds of depressions in the rock that held water and plant life. They are officially called vernal pools.
I found them really fascinating.
We did other hiking, shopping, and more eating of yummy foods. But those were the best parts of the trip. ViolaGirl and I just had a total blast together. It made us realize how much fun it is to go out too!
We actually went out last night to bars in our local town. We scoped out 5 different ones to see where things seemed the most lively. One of them now has a Rock piano bar with drums on Thurs, Fri and Sat nights! We went there, of course. It was so much fun! And now for another first: last night was the first time I’ve been hit on by a guy at a bar! What a fun experience.
You have to realize, that since ex-HB and I met in high school, I didn’t go through the usual stage most people go through where they hang out at bars and get hit on by guys. So, this was quite novel.
I mentioned the bands I’m in to this guy and he was particularly fascinated by the Praise Band. So I ended up writing down the name and location of the church on a bar napkin. When he asked for my number, I told him, get this, that I’d give him my number when he comes to my church.
ha!
ViolaGirl thought that was hilarious. It was truly inspired, I have to say. By God? I’m not sure. But I’m happy with that decision. I wasn’t really ready to give this random guy my number. But hey, now he knows where to find me if he is really interested in me. ViolaGirl wants to use this strategy in the future too. She thinks it would weed out the guys who are just sort of interested from the guys who are really and truly interested. too funny.
And now, I need to get out of my apartment. They are jackhammering the building next to me in order to make a business center/fitness center, and they did it all day yesterday too. I’m headed to the coffee shop, I think. And then I’ll head out to Mom and Dad’s for the day to spend more time with everyone!
January 29, 2012 - Posted by danielle- 2 Comments
In the past few months, I’ve discovered that I have more intensity and passion than I’d ever fully appreciated before.
In grad school, I called this “focus” and “drive.” And it definitely helped me accomplish my goal and get my degree amidst a lot of set backs and long days.
Then I transitioned into being a workaholic. It seemed like a safe place to channel my energies. “seemed” being the operative word in that sentence.
These days, I mostly channel it into my lectures and my singing at church. I get super-high student eval marks for enthusiasm, and other profs are telling me that they are “hearing good things” about my courses from students. So, enthusiastic lecturing seems like a good place to channel it.
But I still seem to have a lot of leftover energy, and this week, I fell into the trap of channeling that intensity toward a guy I was interested in. Why was it a trap? Because when it wasn’t reciprocated, it definitely became a problem.
I sigh.
I think that for right now, God can handle my intensity better than any human being that I know. I actually made this decision yesterday, but it was confirmed today. Thus, I really let it go today at church. I sang lead vocals on our opening song with all of that pent up emotion, passion, and intensity that has been bottled up inside of me. He can take it, for sure. That intensity carried over into our other songs pretty well too. I’m not sure how the congregation feels about it exactly, but they clapped a lot and we got some “amen”s. So, I guess they are okay with it.
there was a phrase in a song today that captures some of it “… your spirit is within me….”
Also, the new bible study I’m in is based on Romans Chapter 12 and there is a verse that spoke to me today.
Romans 12:11 (NIV) “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”
That seems to be what I’m doing: serving the Lord with lots of fervor.
I truly believe it is pleasing to Him when I praise Him in song with passion and intensity, so if it bothers anyone else, well, they can just start attending the earlier traditional service.
October 29, 2011 - Posted by danielle- 1 Comment
I continue with the drought/rain/rain gauge analogy with regards to my dating relationship side of my life.
After that post about the drought ending, I did indeed change my hairstyle slightly (just how I style it as I mentioned in the comments). I have also decided to take the plunge to dye out some of the grey in it this coming Tuesday (Nov 1st!). I’ve always been against using chemicals on my hair, because of the concerns about endocrine disruption. BUT I’m tired of all of the grey. I’m probably 25% grey (maybe 15%?) – it is hard to tell, because some spots are more along the 80% side and others are in the 10% side.
I’ve also decided that as long as I’m getting rid of the grey, I might as well add some highlights! I’m feeling rather edgy these days, and I want my hair to reflect my new mood!
In other news, the flirtation that went nowhere is starting to go somewhere. Somewhere intriguing! My rain gauge has some rain in it!
The back-story is that this is a guy I know at church, and I’ve been attracted to him since I met him over a year ago. He is super-committed to the church, has a deep faith, and is really outgoing and funny. However, a few weeks after I met him, I saw him sit with a woman at church. Thus, I suspected he was dating someone, and sure enough, he was. Consequently, I never presumed I’d have a chance to date him. I commenced stomping down any feelings I might have for him, and I was just friendly and social like I’d be with any guys who are married (even though he is single (but since he was in this relationship, I was going ahead and treating him as being off limits)).
At a church event this fall, he was flirting with me some, so I asked him about that relationship. To make a long story short, I wrote the last post after we’d flirted at that event and they were still together; hence my despair about it ever going anywhere. However, this week, they decided to officially split. I was a bit in shock when he told me.
He has told me that he wants some time before we date; however, I would say that there are some promising rains in the future!
Oddly enough, he told me this week too that he really likes my hair color; it was completely unprompted and I hadn’t told him about my plans to color it at all! I’m still changing it, but that was rather ironic, I thought.
I’m really happy!
I’ve been praying and trying to discern God’s plan for my life. He was too (praying and trying to discern God’s plan for his life), as it turns out. Maybe this is part of the plan. It is hard to know. Sometimes, even with prayer, it can be hard to discern the path. But today, the path seems less murky than it did last week!
yay!
October 10, 2011 - Posted by danielle- 8 Comments
You might read the title of this blog post and think, “Gee, Danielle is commenting on the recent rain in Texas.” And that would be, in part, correct. Yes, it rained here. A LOT over the weekend; it was really terrific.
But another drought has finally ended in my life, and that is what I have taken to thinking of as the drought I’ve been in with regards to men.
I’ve been divorced now for a year, and alone for longer than that. And it was a little over a week ago that a guy finally showed some interest in me! Note, I have NOT said that I’m in a new relationship. But it is nice to have someone flirt with me and to finally feel attractive and pretty again. There are multiple positive aspects of those interactions including that I now have a bit more confidence in myself. However, the downside is that it was merely a flirtation that has gone nowhere, and it has, in some ways, made me more lonely than I was before it happened.
Why? Because it reminded me of what I’ve been lacking in my life.
You see, most of the time, I’m pretty busy with school, church, and getting together with family, and I don’t have too much free time where I miss having companionship. However, in the late evenings when I’m done with my work, and there is no activity going on at church, and life has finally slowed down some, I notice that I don’t have a guy in my life.
I’m sort of debating what I want to do about it. I’m still not ready for eHarmony or match.com or one of those dating sites. I’ve been hoping that friends of mine would know some single guys with whom I could get set up on dates. And voila! There is another professor at school (a married guy) who told me about a week ago too that he has lots of single friends in my age range. Right now, I’m deciding if I want to ask him to fix me up with someone. I’m thinking yes.
What is holding me back? I told you that he mentioned this over a week ago, right?
Ah, the thing that often holds us back, of course. Or at least, that holds me back. Fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of failure.
It is hard to fail at a committed relationship (marriage) and have the confidence to try again. Even if the new relationships would just be casual dating, the underlying fear is still there with regards to having my confidence shaken. How can I trust my own judgment? I would hope that I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships, and that my judgment is better than ever. But I still wonder.
And I also fear that I’m a rather intense person when it comes to relationships. It helps that I’m aware of it, but I still fear that I’ll “come on too strong” or drive some really great guy away due to my intensity.
But isn’t there an adage about how “practice makes perfect”? I suppose I ought to just go for it and try to go on some casual dates so that I can practice not being so intense. Now, it is just a matter of finding those guys…
… I guess I’ll be emailing my professor friend to see if he can fix me up with some guys after all. 
See, that is what can be good about blogging: I write it out and come to a conclusion. Yes, in a rather public forum, but that is okay. THIS is one of the things that is going on with me right now. Presumably, you read, because you want to know. Well, here it is.
There are many other things going on right now too (especially with church and family), but those are posts for another night. For now, I’ll start making my list of characteristics and see if this friend can find some guys that fit any of them. I guess we’ll see!