Danielle Blog

The drought ends

You might read the title of this blog post and think, “Gee, Danielle is commenting on the recent rain in Texas.” And that would be, in part, correct. Yes, it rained here. A LOT over the weekend; it was really terrific.

But another drought has finally ended in my life, and that is what I have taken to thinking of as the drought I’ve been in with regards to men.

I’ve been divorced now for a year, and alone for longer than that. And it was a little over a week ago that a guy finally showed some interest in me! Note, I have NOT said that I’m in a new relationship. But it is nice to have someone flirt with me and to finally feel attractive and pretty again. There are multiple positive aspects of those interactions including that I now have a bit more confidence in myself. However, the downside is that it was merely a flirtation that has gone nowhere, and it has, in some ways, made me more lonely than I was before it happened.

Why? Because it reminded me of what I’ve been lacking in my life.

You see, most of the time, I’m pretty busy with school, church, and getting together with family, and I don’t have too much free time where I miss having companionship. However, in the late evenings when I’m done with my work, and there is no activity going on at church, and life has finally slowed down some, I notice that I don’t have a guy in my life.

I’m sort of debating what I want to do about it. I’m still not ready for eHarmony or match.com or one of those dating sites. I’ve been hoping that friends of mine would know some single guys with whom I could get set up on dates. And voila! There is another professor at school (a married guy) who told me about a week ago too that he has lots of single friends in my age range. Right now, I’m deciding if I want to ask him to fix me up with someone. I’m thinking yes.

What is holding me back? I told you that he mentioned this over a week ago, right?

Ah, the thing that often holds us back, of course. Or at least, that holds me back. Fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of failure.

It is hard to fail at a committed relationship (marriage) and have the confidence to try again. Even if the new relationships would just be casual dating, the underlying fear is still there with regards to having my confidence shaken. How can I trust my own judgment? I would hope that I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships, and that my judgment is better than ever. But I still wonder.

And I also fear that I’m a rather intense person when it comes to relationships. It helps that I’m aware of it, but I still fear that I’ll “come on too strong” or drive some really great guy away due to my intensity.

But isn’t there an adage about how “practice makes perfect”? I suppose I ought to just go for it and try to go on some casual dates so that I can practice not being so intense. Now, it is just a matter of finding those guys…

… I guess I’ll be emailing my professor friend to see if he can fix me up with some guys after all.

See, that is what can be good about blogging: I write it out and come to a conclusion. Yes, in a rather public forum, but that is okay. THIS is one of the things that is going on with me right now. Presumably, you read, because you want to know. Well, here it is.

There are many other things going on right now too (especially with church and family), but those are posts for another night. For now, I’ll start making my list of characteristics and see if this friend can find some guys that fit any of them. I guess we’ll see!