October 29, 2011 - Posted by danielle- 1 Comment
I continue with the drought/rain/rain gauge analogy with regards to my dating relationship side of my life.
After that post about the drought ending, I did indeed change my hairstyle slightly (just how I style it as I mentioned in the comments). I have also decided to take the plunge to dye out some of the grey in it this coming Tuesday (Nov 1st!). I’ve always been against using chemicals on my hair, because of the concerns about endocrine disruption. BUT I’m tired of all of the grey. I’m probably 25% grey (maybe 15%?) – it is hard to tell, because some spots are more along the 80% side and others are in the 10% side.
I’ve also decided that as long as I’m getting rid of the grey, I might as well add some highlights! I’m feeling rather edgy these days, and I want my hair to reflect my new mood!
In other news, the flirtation that went nowhere is starting to go somewhere. Somewhere intriguing! My rain gauge has some rain in it!
The back-story is that this is a guy I know at church, and I’ve been attracted to him since I met him over a year ago. He is super-committed to the church, has a deep faith, and is really outgoing and funny. However, a few weeks after I met him, I saw him sit with a woman at church. Thus, I suspected he was dating someone, and sure enough, he was. Consequently, I never presumed I’d have a chance to date him. I commenced stomping down any feelings I might have for him, and I was just friendly and social like I’d be with any guys who are married (even though he is single (but since he was in this relationship, I was going ahead and treating him as being off limits)).
At a church event this fall, he was flirting with me some, so I asked him about that relationship. To make a long story short, I wrote the last post after we’d flirted at that event and they were still together; hence my despair about it ever going anywhere. However, this week, they decided to officially split. I was a bit in shock when he told me.
He has told me that he wants some time before we date; however, I would say that there are some promising rains in the future!
Oddly enough, he told me this week too that he really likes my hair color; it was completely unprompted and I hadn’t told him about my plans to color it at all! I’m still changing it, but that was rather ironic, I thought.
I’m really happy!
I’ve been praying and trying to discern God’s plan for my life. He was too (praying and trying to discern God’s plan for his life), as it turns out. Maybe this is part of the plan. It is hard to know. Sometimes, even with prayer, it can be hard to discern the path. But today, the path seems less murky than it did last week!
yay!
October 11, 2011 - Posted by danielle- 3 Comments
I took this photo of my niece trying to carry a bunch of different balls as she walked across the yard, and it just seems like the perfect photo to be made into a poster about life and the juggling act so many of us do everyday.
Notice that she has managed not to drop any! Interesting that she has learned that at such a young age!
October 10, 2011 - Posted by danielle- 8 Comments
You might read the title of this blog post and think, “Gee, Danielle is commenting on the recent rain in Texas.” And that would be, in part, correct. Yes, it rained here. A LOT over the weekend; it was really terrific.
But another drought has finally ended in my life, and that is what I have taken to thinking of as the drought I’ve been in with regards to men.
I’ve been divorced now for a year, and alone for longer than that. And it was a little over a week ago that a guy finally showed some interest in me! Note, I have NOT said that I’m in a new relationship. But it is nice to have someone flirt with me and to finally feel attractive and pretty again. There are multiple positive aspects of those interactions including that I now have a bit more confidence in myself. However, the downside is that it was merely a flirtation that has gone nowhere, and it has, in some ways, made me more lonely than I was before it happened.
Why? Because it reminded me of what I’ve been lacking in my life.
You see, most of the time, I’m pretty busy with school, church, and getting together with family, and I don’t have too much free time where I miss having companionship. However, in the late evenings when I’m done with my work, and there is no activity going on at church, and life has finally slowed down some, I notice that I don’t have a guy in my life.
I’m sort of debating what I want to do about it. I’m still not ready for eHarmony or match.com or one of those dating sites. I’ve been hoping that friends of mine would know some single guys with whom I could get set up on dates. And voila! There is another professor at school (a married guy) who told me about a week ago too that he has lots of single friends in my age range. Right now, I’m deciding if I want to ask him to fix me up with someone. I’m thinking yes.
What is holding me back? I told you that he mentioned this over a week ago, right?
Ah, the thing that often holds us back, of course. Or at least, that holds me back. Fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of failure.
It is hard to fail at a committed relationship (marriage) and have the confidence to try again. Even if the new relationships would just be casual dating, the underlying fear is still there with regards to having my confidence shaken. How can I trust my own judgment? I would hope that I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships, and that my judgment is better than ever. But I still wonder.
And I also fear that I’m a rather intense person when it comes to relationships. It helps that I’m aware of it, but I still fear that I’ll “come on too strong” or drive some really great guy away due to my intensity.
But isn’t there an adage about how “practice makes perfect”? I suppose I ought to just go for it and try to go on some casual dates so that I can practice not being so intense. Now, it is just a matter of finding those guys…
… I guess I’ll be emailing my professor friend to see if he can fix me up with some guys after all. 
See, that is what can be good about blogging: I write it out and come to a conclusion. Yes, in a rather public forum, but that is okay. THIS is one of the things that is going on with me right now. Presumably, you read, because you want to know. Well, here it is.
There are many other things going on right now too (especially with church and family), but those are posts for another night. For now, I’ll start making my list of characteristics and see if this friend can find some guys that fit any of them. I guess we’ll see!