Danielle Blog

More reflections on our relationship and also random issues with divorce

I loved reading the comments on the last post about losing weight. It is fantastic to know that I am not alone in the way I detest shopping for pants. It is also exciting to hear that a lot of you have been losing weight recently (Texas Seestor, Amber, Honestyrain) or have been very successful with weight watcher/changing your eating habits in the past (Ern).
I’m also more in the mood to go pants shopping with the idea that maybe going to the tailor to have the waist taken in won’t be quite such an issue; thanks for making that process sound less painfully expensive, Ern!
Amber’s suggestion of going out and buying a skirt is something that Texas Seestor told me she did recently. She told me that Target has a bunch of neat skirts right now that are casual. She was thinking that she would wear them sometimes at times when she normally would have just worn shorts (ex. going out to a casual supper place). I might start doing that too. MN weather is not exactly conducive to exposed legs right now, but it will be soon.
Maybe I will go today to buy a pair of pants and some skirts.

Today, HB is driving me in his SUV to pick up (free) boxes from Atlas. I had decided that I’d rather not drive his relatively new vehicle if he was willing to drive me there, and he is willing. I drive a little Honda Civic Hybrid, so driving an SUV always feels really weird to me. His willingness to help me is just another example, I suppose, of how ending our relationship isn’t quite as difficult as it is for some people.
We also had two good suppers together this week. Lately, he has been out of town so much that I’ve barely had supper with him. But this week, we had some good conversations. When that happens, there is a part of me that questions if we are doing the right thing by getting divorced. But that question is very brief, because, in the end, I know that it is the right thing for us. I also think that some of our friendliness is due to knowing that this is it. Not only do we need to enjoy this while we have it, but I think that not having to work at fixing the annoying moments makes it easier too. Don’t get me wrong, a couple of times a week we still end up getting…
…. hmmm…. how to describe it…
… well, I’m not sure how to describe our moods, lets just say that at those moments the thought that runs through my head is “and this is a perfect example of why we are getting divorced.” And I always think that he must be thinking the same thing at those moments. Neither of us actually say it. I think that would be too hurtful and mean, but I sure as heck think it.

In other small news. I spent about 45 min on the phone this week dealing with my new checking/savings account and setting up a credit card account. It is supposed to be really easy to do it online. I set it up with our current bank who ALSO holds our mortgage, so you’d think it would be particularly simple. Well, I’d received an email about how I should have received my PIN in the mail 10 d after opening it online, and how I should call if I hadn’t. I decided to give them a couple of extra days because of the mail probably being deluged with tax forms. In the end, I called on Wednesday. And get this: their little menu options tell you that you can “speak to a banker by pressing 4 (or whatever number)” and I’m all “oooooooooo this is good, this will be really fast!.” But BEFORE you can speak to a real person, you have to type in your account number – fine, they did manage to send me that part in the mail correctly. But THEN it says to enter a PIN! Hellooooo? That is the whole reason I’m calling. In the end I didn’t enter anything, and of course the voice comes on to tell me that it couldn’t tell what I’d typed and how I’d have to retype it. blah blah blah. In the end, it finally transferred me over to a real person and we discovered that no one had ever put in a request to have a new debit card ordered for me (with a PIN). Evidently, since I already had accounts with them, they didn’t seem to think I needed one even though I entered it under my new last name??? (FYI: non-hyphenated for those of you who know my real last name)
grrrrrrrrrrrr
So, she is the one who transferred me to the banker who spent a while dealing with my checking/savings account. Of course, they tried to get me to sign up for this new credit card that has some sort of rebate system for your home – which is completely useless to me since I’m not going to be on the mortgage anymore. However, I did want just a normal credit card and he was able to set one up for me – which I wasn’t going to be able to do online until my checking was all finalized. etc. etc.

It ended up being worth the time, but it was so annoying that they hadn’t just ordered the card like they were supposed to.

I know. This really is small potatoes, and I should probably get used to spending lots of time with customer service since I’m going to have to set up some of the utilities at my aptmt. soon. And I will have lots of details to deal with in regards to our divorce, mortgage, and getting my name changed on things. But hey, my life during the week is pretty much get up, drive to school, teach or prepare to teach or grade, drive home, eat, prepare to teach or grade, fall asleep and press repeat. So, this is some of the “random issues with divorce” that I mentioned in my title.

I did have music practice with church on Wed night. It was really good to be there again. I sang at Easter but haven’t in the past couple of weeks. At this point, I sing every Sunday until I leave, because I’m trying to pack in as much time with everyone as possible. Plus, it really is rejuvenating. And while I would be going to church anyway, actually being up front singing seems to give me more balance for the week somehow.

I did also watch Glee, which made me really happy. I like the new character (Rachel’s boyfriend from Vocal Adrenaline). I like that new storyline.
Of course Will’s storyline is really pertinent to me (in ways) right now. He has been married to a person whom he started dating in high school, and he is now getting divorced. Music plays a big part in his life. The part last week about how he needs to spend some time alone getting to know himself is what I feel I’ve been doing for the last 2-3 years. Our counseling sessions revealed that I needed to just be willing to go out and do more stuff on my own and be more independent of HB. As I think you’ve realized, I been going to movies alone and to shows like So You Think You Can Dance and a Christian concert alone. I always would like to go with friends, but right now, my one friend who lives about 30 min away is not into that kind of stuff. My friends at church are all tied up with family activities with their kids. And my friends at school all live 1.5 h away. So I’ve become a lot more comfortable with myself within the last few years. However, HB is obviously still my friend and I still turn to him a lot for advice when I need to make important decisions (i.e. the whole banking thing or moving thing). And I won’t have that anymore, and I’ll have to get used to not having that.
In the end, Will’s story causes me to reflect upon my life some. Consequently, the show is a good blend of reflection, fun, and memories.

And I just realized it is sort of raining. This may not be so good for driving to a warehouse to pick up boxes. Well, it wasn’t like I was going to start packing. I just wanted to claim them before it gets into May when everyone and their brother is moving.

And looking out the window also reminds me that I need to orient HB to the plants in the front flower bed that are not weeds. He is going to have to start being responsible for it. I mentioned to the neighbor that he may want to hire their kids to do the weeding. We currently hire their older son to do the mowing and trimming So, hey, why not pay him or one of their younger kids to weed? But I should at least give HB the knowledge about it so that he doesn’t pull out the perennials by accident!

Well, such is my life. I have a ton of grading to do this weekend. The last week of lectures is upon us, so this is my last chance to give them back assignments. The following week is the final, grading it, calculating final grades and then PACKING! eeeek!