Changes afoot
I’ve been delaying posting this, because it never quite seemed like the right time. But I am at a point now, where I feel comfortable saying it, and there never seems to be a good time anyway.
HB and I are getting divorced in July. By the time our divorce is final, we will have been married 14 years (or 1-2 weeks shy of our anniversary). That also means that we will have been together for 18.5 years.
18 years is half of my life. It is hard to fathom that I have had him in my life for longer than I’ve lived without him. For just a moment, think of a friend that you’ve had for 18 years. Now, think about never seeing that person again.
Doesn’t that seem hard to imagine? We are parting on good terms. So, maybe I’ll see him at high school reunions or at other times, and it won’t be that I never see him again. But who knows how it will be? I sure don’t.
We started going to marriage counseling 3 years ago. I never said anything about it then, and I don’t want to say a whole lot about it here, because when I started blogging 5+ years ago, I made a promise to him that I wouldn’t discuss our relationship. Suffice to say that when we started going to counseling, we were at a point where we had really wounded our relationship. Counseling brought us back to the point of being good, platonic friends. But the wounds were too deep to fully heal. And while I had hoped that we just needed enough time to go beyond being friends, I have come to realize that it just isn’t happening. Both of us would like our marriage to be more than that, and we have finally come to terms with it.
At this point, we are dealing with lots of logistics. I will move to an apartment in TX in late May in order to have as much time with Texas Seestor, Trainwreck, and my two nieces this summer before the school year ramps up. Mom and Dad may be there by the end of summer too. Their timing is a little bit less certain; they are retiring there, and it could be late summer/early fall – we’ll just have to see.
But with the good, comes the bad. Leaving in late May also means that I don’t have much time left with HB and with all of my other friends that I know from school, church, or from my previous job here. It makes my stomach sort of knot up thinking about that part of it.
The thoughts running through my head right now are these:
We are both headed for bright things. Very bright.
We just won’t be going toward them together.
But I’m okay with that; it just makes me sad…
…and I cry a little bit at unexpected times when I think about that.
Note: if you read this and are at a loss for words, I understand. But if you could just tell me you read this, so that I know that you know, that would be nice.
honesty*rain/denice says:
Danielle, wow. I haven’t come by here in so long and to return on a day when you share such significant news – wow. I am sorry for the part of this which makes you sad but I am also very excited for your future and the great things awaiting you in it. I send hugs and a big pat on the back whenever you need one.
Clicking on my name will send you to my new site – don’t be alarmed, it’s still me
Jenski says:
I am sad for you, but it sounds like you guys might keep tabs on each other to know how life is? I will be thinking of you in the busy weeks of relocating. Settling in and being so close to your family will keep you puh-lenty busy, I think.
Texas Seestor says:
Very nicely said.
Victoria Winters says:
Oh my goodness. I wasn’t expecting this news. I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t well but am glad that you sound level-headed and okay. Hang in there and please vent to your blogging buddies – we’ll listen and support you!
Giving you virtual hugs.
V.W.
Danielle says:
thank you everyone for commenting and being so supportive.
Honestyrain and Victoria, it is great to hear from you again! Thanks for the hugs.
Denise says:
Thanks Danielle. I know this was really hard for you to write. But maybe you can feel some kind of release as well. I just know that TX will be a great place to continue life with better days to come. Love ya.
Squirl says:
I’m so sorry I’ve been behind on reading. Good luck to both of you. I’m sad for what you’re leaving behind, but excited that both of you have new things in life ahead of you. I just got done reading this, probably skimmed it more than I should have. I’ll send you an email later. Hugs and loving thoughts coming your way.
Ern says:
I’m sorry to just be reading and commenting now, but I know you understand with how hectic the finishing stages of the PhD can be. I’m sorry to hear the news. It’s always sad when a marriage doesn’t work out, but like you said, you are both headed for bright things, as hard as many parts of it will be. You will definitely be in my thoughts in the next few months. The unexpected crying is certainly understandable, but be prepared for unexpected bursts of joy as well.
It sounds like the two of you are parting on good terms, which I’m sure will make it both easier and more difficult in many ways. Big transitions and life changing decisions are rough, but also serve as reminders of the wonderful people in our lives. Make sure you let them help you. They’ll say stupid things, I’m sure, but they mean well.
Hugs, bloggy friend. If you need anything, to talk or vent or whatever, I’m here. (If you’re sick of talking about it, I remember that feeling too, so no pressure either way.)
Amber says:
Oh, I am so sorry to hear, Danielle.
In some respects, I know how hard and difficult it can be. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to call.
Parting on good terms will hopefully make the transition a little easier on you. I wish you well and you definitely have some bright things to look forward to. Texas is a beautiful state, and the area you are moving to is wonderful. And you will have family, friends and a new job.
I’ll keep you two in my prayers and thoughts.
Danielle says:
Thank you again, to all of you, for all of your support. I’m sure that I will re-read this comment section when I need a boost.